That's How We Roll . . . Or Get Rolled

Well, the adoption process rolls along, just like a big ol' steamroller. Sometimes I feel like we're driving the steamroller and just flattening all that paperwork on our path to becoming parents of four. At other times I feel like we're in the path of the steamroller, and the mountain of details and forms and FedEx packages and emails and decisions just might squash us into something completely unrecognizable. To be honest, it's not just the adoption stuff . . . it's the adoption stuff on top of all the other things going on in our lives right now. Good things, of course, but things that occupy lots of mental and physical energy. And time.

But, as they say, it's all good. This whole thing is such an interesting and emotional process. Some days it feels like we're running a side business or just accomplishing tasks from a "to do" list, but on other days my heart and mind are more connected to the purpose, to the end result. Like this morning, when we had a rare opportunity to sleep in, Tony and I were lying on our sides facing one another, and he was still snoozing. I was awake and had already been thinking about all I need to do today, including work on an adoption grant proposal (lots more paperwork) that needs to be shipped today so it arrives on time on Monday. And then I was just looking at Tony, thinking about how many times I've gazed across the pillow at his face. It was already a pretty sweet moment, but then I suddenly imagined a little face poking up between us, surrounded by jet black hair, straight and fine. I could almost see his little chest rising with each slow, sleeping breath, his lips slightly parted, his little body relaxed and still and perfectly at peace between his mommy and daddy.

I have those moments all along, when I'm doing something quite routine, and then I realize that sometime in the not-too-distant future I'll be doing that very thing with a new son, probably a toddler. Like grocery shopping, or watching one of the kids' ball games, or driving somewhere, or snacking on apple slices, or watching cartoons, or having family movie night, or snuggling. Sometimes the reality of it all hits me in those moments, and it is at once thrilling and overwhelming. It's also motivating, and I find myself wanting to climb into the driver's seat of that steamroller and kick asphalt. Metaphorically speaking.

Anyway, we roll along. In the way of an update, the good news is that we have mailed off our application to the USCIS (Customs and Immigration) who will give us the official governmental "go ahead" to adopt a child from a foreign country. This process takes about two months, during which Tony and I will have to be fingerprinted, and later we'll receive the paperwork that will become part of our dossier. In the meantime, we have some other paperwork that we have to send off to be authenticated, etc. A few other minor details to take care of, like passport photos, family photo pages, etc. And we have to submit our Waiting Child Program application to our agency, at which point we will be eligible to be matched with a child. Blah blah blah, yada yada yada.

Bottom line: I really want, with all my heart, to be able to get all this crap done and our dossier sent to our agency for approval before Christmas. Happy Holidays to us, from us.

In other news, we have learned that one of the precious boys who stole our hearts back in May has been matched with an adoptive family. Sweet Elliot, who lives at New Day Foster Home in Beijing, and who will turn 4 just one day after our Gillian turns 9 in December, finally has a forever family waiting for him. We had all hoped and prayed for the possibility that we could be that family, and a million times I've imagined him sleeping in a bed in our house, strapped into a car seat in our van, smiling for our family picture, and cuddling with us on our couch. But more than anything, I'm so happy that he will be loved forever by his very own parents, even though we're not them. I'm a little sad, but really just a little. I am confident in God's plan for all of us, and if Elliot isn't the one He has picked out for us, I'm okay with that. There's another little one at New Day we've inquired about, too, and I feel the same way about him. God's got this.

So now I'm going to drag my weary body (have I mentioned that I've chosen now, of all times, to work harder than ever before to get my butt into shape by doing four very challenging workouts a week, the most recent of which was at 9:30 last night?!) away from this table where I sit typing, and I'm going to . . . 1) finish the aforementioned grant application, 2) figure out the next thing that needs to be sent via FedEx since I'll be going there today to mail the grant application, 3) make dinner for a family who just had a baby and take it to them, 4) help my kids finish their science projects, 5) do at least something from the piles of work I brought home in my teacher cart after last night's fall festival at our school, 6) start some laundry, and, because I promised I would, 7) play Littlest Pet Shop Monopoly with Gillian.

Good grief. I better be in the driver's seat today, or I'll be flattened for sure.