Red Tape, Double Roll

As I type, my phone is squished between my cheek and shoulder, because I'm on hold with a guy named Rich from VitalChek. This, in case you don't know, is where you can order original copies of all sorts of vital documents, like the birth and marriage certificates we need for our adoption paperwork. I really should have these people on speed dial. I thought I had this all taken care of last month during my initial document-gathering frenzy, but I was oh so wrong. I recently learned that the birth certificate I ordered and received for Tony is the wrong one, because it was issued by the county he was born in. Well, the fine state of Indiana (and I imagine this is true for other states, too) won't certify a birth certificate for official government purposes (like adoption, for example) unless it's the state-issued version. Details, details. Really? I can prove he was born, people. If need be, I'm sure I can get my mother-in-law to provide a detailed account of his birth and the alleged "wild look" he had in his eyes that deterred her from breast feeding him.

So now I've just gotten off the phone with the guy from VitalChek. Turns out his name is Oscar. Who's Rich? I think he's the guy from the UPS store that's supposed to be holding the package that contains Tony's birth certificate. But the reason I had to call Oscar in the first place is because I called the UPS office after receiving a message from VitalChek telling me my package was waiting for me there, but when I called them to double check, Rich told me they don't have it because I don't have a regular box there, so they would have sent it back to where it came from, which would be the Indiana Secretary of State's office, not VitalChek, but Oscar says VitalChek has a contract with UPS, so they should have the package, and he was very sweet and apologetic, but I still have to go to that UPS store and call Oscar back while I'm in the store.

And that, my friends, is how you get a phone number for a direct line to VitalChek. I'm on the short list, y'all. Don't even need that toll free number with that pesky automated system. I wonder if Oscar is on Facebook?

Of course, I may already have lost you by now, because you had to take a break from reading through the double roll of red tape in the above paragraph. Sorry about that. I would go back and edit my post into a shorter version, but I have to get my shoes on and head over to see Rich at UPS. That's after I call the doctor's office who did Tony's medical exam and apparently finished filling out the little blanks in ink on a photocopy of the original form that had already been signed and notarized. Yeah, sure. I'll bet the Chinese officials examining our dossier will just breeze right over that.

Seriously????? Have we missed the entire point of having a document notarized, pumpkins????

*Sigh* Yes, this stuff can be more than a little frustrating and overwhelming. But I forget all about it every time I pass by the baby section at Target. :-)